The two questions that should be central in any romantic relationship are…
- How can I contribute to make this person happy?
- How can I contribute to make this relationship more meaningful?
Buying her a bouquet of red roses and diamond earrings, just so she’ll sleep with you, doesn’t make you a romantic, it makes you a merchant – trading one thing for another with your own benefit in mind.
Relationships are NOT about giving and taking, because this implies that there is a need to keep score.
And if you do, I guarantee you both sides will end up disappointed. After all, you’re perfectly aware of the effort you make for your other half, but you can’t possibly be aware of everything your other half does for you.
The balance will always be off, on both sides. Over the years it might even start a race to the bottom, in which both parties make less of an effort simply because the other half is making less of an effort.
The remedy? Center your relationships around selfless giving. If your partner does something in return, that’s great – but it shouldn’t be a requirement, it shouldn’t even be an expectation.
Now, this of course, can also be the recipe for a toxic one-sided relationship.
So give as long as it…
…makes you feel great about yourself,
…makes your other half feel great about themselves,
…and it makes you both feel grateful to be in a relationship with each other.
Lay down the ledger, and never forget to keep going the extra mile.
Give and give.
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